Well, the Ringling Bros. just lost the title of The Greatest Show on Earth because last night American Idol put on the most amazing performance that rocked everyone's world, no matter who you are, or what kind of television you despise.
No big deal, let's just get Cindy Lauper, Lionel Richie, and Rod Stewart to come out and sing with our contestants. You're more into a newer, hipper sound? Fine -- Black Eyed Peas, Jason Mraz and Lady Gaga will perform. And don't forget, we need to have Kiss come, just to be totally shown up by Adam Lambert. And let's just throw some randoms in there: Keith Urban and Carlos Santana. Not satisfied? Okay okay, we'll have the two finalists sing "We Are the Champions" to sappily close the show...oh, and we'll just have Queen join them...totally normal.
And for those of you who are still convinced that there was nothing for you: STEVE MARTIN PLAYING THE FREAKIN' BANJO.
American Idol is truly the most American of all American things and last night's finale proved that beyond belief. Further evidence: nearly 100 million people voted to choose the winner. Just over 120 million people voted in the most recent presidential election. I don't know if that's depressing or amazing, but wow.