Episode 402

Over the holiday break, I had a chance to watch even more daytime television than I normally do. I usually limit myself to shows with some redeeming qualities (Ellen, Full House, etc.) but that is not even close to possible when you literally have nothing to do, as opposed to just doing nothing (the two are very different).

One of the shows that I kept up with was The Price is Right. I need not comment on Drew Carey, as I have taken care of that monstrosity in previous posts, but I'd just like to share a really frightening experience I had while watching TPIR these past couple of weeks.

Everyone remembers the classic game "Now...or Then." If you need a refresher, don't worry, there's a wikipedia entry about it. Now, when we used to watch this show as children -- don't even try to deny it -- you would be comparing the prices of grocery items from "now," whenever that was and "then," which was without fail some far off date in the late 80s or maybe early 90s before you even had any memories. Well, prepare to have your minds blown. The other day on the Price is Right, the THEN date was the year 2000. Two thousand. This means that post-Y2K is now considered "then." As I said, frightening.

This made me think, though, about how television -- in moments like this -- is able to really remind us that time flies and that we're getting old. Thanks TV! Exhibit A: On Saved by the Bell, the gang often references Jason Bateman as the dreamy heartthrob. He even gets a few write-ins for student body president. Now, is this the same Jason Bateman who is always and forever Michael Bluth in our hearts? Yes it is. We're old.

Other than pricing games and reruns, this feeling of "time flies" is all over the place now that child actors are running rampant on new hit shows (Jason Bateman also falls into this category. Well done.) Watching Neil Patrick Harris on How I Met Your Mother is a trip, as is seeing Mark Paul Gosselaar do anything but be Zack Morris, and Joshua Jackson star on a serious lawyer show. Not to mention the remakes of 90210 and the like, where Kelly and Brenda are back as themselves, but they're like...adults. Even the girl from Harriet the Spy is a major TV star now!

I guess comebacks -- as old as they make us feel -- are preferable to drugs and rehab. Maybe.

Episode 401

Every year at the holidays, my family members buy each other books, pleasure reading about things they're interested in -- the Best Essays of 2009, books about people building orphanages in far off places, collections of stories about medical mysteries. And every year, the joke is that I don't get any books because I don't like to read. I like to watch TV. This year, my family tried to challenge the tradition and buy me a book about TV. It proved difficult. I have read one book about television that I have enjoyed -- it was more about television writing than television itself -- and the rest have fallen flat. It might just be that books are not the right format to talk about TV -- instead, television talk should just keep its rightful place in blogs and magazines. People who are interested enough in television to read a book about it would probably rather take the time to watch more television than to read the book about it. So that's that.

There are millions of blogs out there like this one, each with their own thoughts on the day's, week's, or year's television. For that reason, it's pretty difficult to have an original idea when talking about TV. Think about it this way. If you were, for example, studying female epistolary writing in late sixteenth- and early-seventeenth century Venice, there probably aren't that many other people waking up in the morning thinking about the subject, and therefore possibly scooping your ideas before they're published. On the other hand, how many people wake up each morning poring over last night's episode of Mad Men? How many people make it their goal to determine the winner of The Biggest Loser before the finale airs? Actually, I can sum up this argument in one word: Lostpedia. Everyone thinks about TV.

So as I start Season 4, I thank my audience for reading my blog that I've linked them to instead of taking the effort to find a better one.

If the attention span of TV viewers isn't long -- or consistent -- enough to follow a blog, they can move to even shorter commentary, like those found in the TV section of People magazine. My subscription to People definitely fills my "find out about the people on my fav TV shows" curiosities, but the "find out about the TV itself" curiosities weren't satisfied by the brief little reviews in their TV sections. So, for a holiday gift this year? You guessed it: Entertainment Weekly. It is reading after all.

And just in case even these brief TV magazine reviews that require no loyalty by the reader weren't enough, there's now TV commentary that even the most TV-addicted, short-attention-spanned non-reader can handle: the TV section of someecards. And since I can almost promise that I will never comment on Jersey Shore in my blog, this would be a good place to go if that's what you're looking for. Speaking of Jersey Shore (I hope never to utter those words again), I will actually end with a quote from a People Magazine review of the show that may get some of the strongest reactions of 2010: "This is too ridiculous to be culturally offensive." Agreed.

Episode 321

As 2009 (and Season 3 of my blog) draws to a close, Top 10 lists seem to be the way to close out the decade. I considered making a top ten of the past ten years of TV, but then I realized that ten years ago "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" was one of my favorite shows, so maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Instead, I have decided to go with:

The Top 10 TV Moments of 2009:
*Note: this will not include such moments as "Kanye drunk stages Taylor", "Oprah says goodbye", "Friday Night Lights announces a new season but it won't air for another year because they just want to make us hate them", etc. While some of these are history-making, others are just awesome.

1) Locke actually is dead. And is Jacob. And our minds are blown. The penultimate season of Lost ends after having redeemed itself with an incredible arc of episodes; the American people realize that 2010 is so close, yet so far away.
2) Jim and Pam get married. This will go down in TV history, and not only because of the brilliant YouTube nod.
3) Glee premieres, creating a completely new television genre, one that incorporates every other amazing aspect of everything else amazing ever (and then Lea Michele sings, sealing the deal).
4) Parks and Recreation hires a new writer's assistant, at which point the show suddenly becomes one of the best on television, thanks mostly to the Andy and Ron moment.
5) Russell finds thee immunity idols on Survivor -- two without any clues -- and re-glorifies the blindside. This might get even crazier by the time the finale airs, but either way proves to us that it's not just Jeff Probst that has made this show last for countless seasons.
6) Dwight and Andy serenade Erin, and then each other, with John Denver in the break room. Musical moments in non-musical shows are, without fail, amazing. (Note: I was hesitant to put two moments of The Office on the list because of the non-world-ending first half of this season, but last night's episode more than made up for it.)
7) Modern Family premieres, reminding us that it is possible to bring back the family sitcom in an age where it's hard to make anything more ridiculous than real-life families.
8) Kevin makes roasted banana, chocolate, and bacon brittle dessert on Top Chef, only to be shot down by the clearly tastebudless judges. All progress Americans have made in the fight against obesity is completely wiped out and we are back to square one. And I'm okay with it.
9) "Legen -- wait for it -- ds of the Fall!" How I Met Your Mother reminds us for the millionth time that its writers are brilliant, almost as brilliant as Neil Patrick Harris.
10) Don Draper dies. Just kidding, I just wanted to be sure you were still reading and I felt bad not putting a Mad Men moment on here.

And while we're on countdowns, 53 DAYS UNTIL LOST RETURNS. 2010, here we come.

Episode 320

There's a new phenomenon spreading through American sitcoms that might be called the anti-Sam and Diane -- or as I would more likely call it, the anti-Dawson and Joey. So many sitcom couples are now happily united with no sign of anything changing in the near future. When it comes down to it, viewers no longer yearn for the will-they-won't-they drama we've been spoon-fed for years. (Side note: I think this is why the whole Jeff and Britta thing on Community isn't taking off.)

As much as we might miss the awkward and perfect flirtations between Jim and Pam, I think we are all much happier after an episode of The Office when there's no drama in the relationship. And now that they're married, we really don't have to worry (pre-marital sex, maybe, but I don't anticipate a divorce). Now we can watch every episode in peace -- that is, if you call watching Michael tell a group of high school seniors that he can't pay for their college education as he had promised "in peace"...

I similarly enjoy an episode of Gossip Girl so much more when there is no tension between Chuck and Blair. Like Jim and Pam, they are so absolutely perfect for each other that even the thought of them not being together makes the viewing experience less enjoyable. Even though Season 1 was by far the best, it was by no means the easiest to watch. And with this economy (yeah, I said it) maybe that's all viewers are looking for.

This tendency is most relevant -- even if subtle -- on How I Met Your Mother. Over the course of four and a half seasons, we have never had to worry about issues in Ted's relationships, because we know he ends up with the right woman, and we know it's not anyone he's dating on the episodes we're watching. So no matter what ridiculous things he does to mess up relationships, there's no tension.

That said, here are my five favorite current television couples - comments welcome!

1) Coach and Tammy (Friday Night Lights)
2) Chuck and Blair (Gossip Girl)
3) Barney and the entire female gender (How I Met Your Mother)
4) Finn and every female viewer ages 14 - 38 (Glee)
5) Jay and Gloria (Modern Family)
*Honorable mention: Don and Betty (Mad Men) -- I don't feel right putting them on the list because I'm not caught up and something tells me it's not going to end well.

Episode 319

I don't intend to blog about Glee every week, but it just might happen. I know TV shows don't get reviewed every time there's a new episode, but Broadway shows get reviewed every time a new one comes out -- and each episode of Glee is kind of like a new mini-Broadway show. Which is why the 98% of the American population that realizes the brilliance of good musical theater loves Glee. Lucky for the other 2%, last night's episode featured an oldie, a song from the Police, and good ol' Bill Withers. If at least one of those three doesn't win you over, there's a problem.

Let's just take a moment or a paragraph to talk about the many perfections of Finn. First of all, have you ever seen a 27-year-old who's supposed to be a 17-year-old look so damn good in a suit? And as if the suit and his tear-jerking rendition of the Pretenders (I know all you Dawson's Creek fans out there were loving that moment) weren't glorious enough, he cries while his (awesome) mom comforts him, making him not only hot and talented, but vulnerable, too. (And by the way, for those three other people in the world who love "I'll Stand by You" as much as I do, you can hear Finn sing the whole thing here.)

Speaking of actors being way older than the characters they're portraying (it's not as extreme here as it is on FNL, but still) - most of Mr. Schu's students are only a few years younger than him in real life. That makes the Rachel-Schu ballad awkwardness a little less awkward, but still brilliantly awkward. For anyone who was fighting against a crush on Mr. Schuster, stubbornly insisting that Finn was their #1 (read: me) this episode's mash-up definitely made you think again. Luckily, People magazine doesn't make us choose.

And one more quick note: Though I did tear up three times during the episode (in order to save face a little, I will not reveal which three moments did it), I absolutely could not find it in myself to feel bad for Quinn when her parents were chewing her out. Yes, that situation sucks in every way, but she will get absolutely no sympathy from me until she comes clean to Finn. Sigh.

Episode 318

Why does everyone love Ellen? Seriously, everyone loves Ellen. I do and you do and I would bet money that the person sitting next to you does, too.

I have never met someone who had an adverse reaction to Ellen. I'm not sure where this unbridled love of a talk-show host comes from -- but I do know that her show is one of few (if not the only) daytime programs that does not leave the viewer depressed about the fact that they are sitting on their butt watching television at three o'clock in the afternoon (think Family Feud, any soap opera, A Baby Story, Maury...I'll stop before you need to go take your meds).

One of my favorite Ellen moments is Dennis Quaid's Starbucks appearance. This is just the tip of the iceberg of proof that Ellen can get anyone to do anything. On top of that, Ellen is not only an Emmy-winning talk show host who can get any guest she wants, she's also a Cover Girl and on the cover of O magazine.

All of this makes her an interesting choice to replace Paula Abdul on American Idol. Yes, she'll easily mimic Paula's constant and unconditional praise of the contestants, but other than that, there is not one similarity between these two women. Maybe that's the idea? At least we can assume -- though you never know -- that there won't be tabloid drama about her and Simon getting it on.

Episode 317

Last night's Glee was definitely the "game-changer" it was hyped up to be. What's fantastic about this show is that it can turn what on any other show would be the sappy volume up to full blast and yet it never becomes cheesy. The whole show -- though dealing with a rather realistic situation -- seems to be steeped in an aura of fantasy. It might have something to do with the fact that the characters just break out into choreographed and well-lit song without anyone around them blinking an eye (don't we all wish that's what life was really like?). But no matter what the reason, there is some sort of glowing bubble surrounding Glee, and this bubble allows the show to do whatever it pleases without any protest from fans.

So when Sue reveals that she, like other normal people, has normal-people things to deal with, we are moved instead of groaning and mumbling about how "Sue would never be like that." Sue can be like whatever she wants to be like, just like Artie can sing an early 80s song while wheel-dancing through the hallways and all we can do is tap our foot to the beat.

Other than this Sue-has-a-heart moment (the second one this season), the other standout of the evening was the Kurt v. Rachel audition storyline. Everyone will be raving -- justly -- about Kurt's emotional rendition of Defying Gravity (definitely worth a viewing or 10), but what truly makes that moment all the more moving -- especially in hindsight if you watch to the end of the episode -- is a surprising post-scene performance by Mike O'Malley. Who knew that the king of the Agro Crag and inspiring host of Get the Picture could put on an inspiring performance (and yes, I'm considering everything he's done since his time on Nick)? Actually, his character, along with his acting, was a surprise from the very beginning -- I don't think anyone was expecting a supportive dad out of this guy. But once again, on Glee, anything's possible.