tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41514139339461341532023-11-16T03:13:33.712-08:00tv therapy (essays on the human condition)Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger151125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-44806210586595374642012-09-17T07:43:00.001-07:002012-09-17T07:43:10.113-07:00Episode 710
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">When
Chris Harrison agreed to host The Bachelor, he probably didn't think
he'd ever be doing the play-by-play for an ice cream sundae obstacle
course. Enter Bachelor Pad, and Chris is declaring, “<span style="color: black;">Into
the field of whipped cream!” and “The rest of the pack still
scaling the the hot fudge wall.”</span></span></div>
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<br />
</div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">Not
be be outdone by Chris Harrison, contestant Ed chimes in: “It's my
turn to get into the nutsack.”</span></span></div>
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<br />
</div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">Thank
you, Bachelor Pad, for always providing the punchline.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-31782586237393616672012-08-19T13:09:00.004-07:002012-08-19T13:11:07.691-07:00Episode 709<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I was trying to give Felicity the benefit of the it's-not-just-a-Dawson's-</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Creek-rip-off doubt. I bit my tongue for months. And then </span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0578692/" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Season 4, Episode 4</a><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> happened.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In just one episode, the following three Dawson's Creek plot points went down:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Felicity enters a beauty pageant to win scholarship money. (See <a href="http://www.blogger.com/scholarship%20money%20http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0555152/">Joey entering a beauty pageant to win</a>.) </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Noel offers Felicity his windfall money to pay for school, but she's too proud to accept. (See <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0555082/">Dawson offering Joey his windfall money, but she's too proud to accept</a>.)</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Felicity is late, i.e., might be pregnant. Turns out she's not. (See <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0555139/">Joey being late, i.e., might be pregnant. Turns out she's not</a>.) </span></li>
</ul>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Not convinced? Let's do another mini-checklist (this time, series-wide).</span><br />
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Emotionally damaged bad boy becomes a Big Brother volunteer? </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Check. </span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Fire destroys the one thing the leading lady loves? Check.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Smart overachieving girl cheats on a major assessment but gets off easy? Check.</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If anyone else wants to join in on the fun, please do.</span></div>
<div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">P.S. I'm really glad J.J. Abrams worked out the time-travel kinks in Felicity before he tried it on LOST. Because, oh boy, the kinks were aplenty. </span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-7238906659906079822012-08-06T18:59:00.003-07:002012-08-06T18:59:29.650-07:00Episode 708<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
was recently told by a good Christian boy from Texas that Friday
Night Lights doesn't hold up. Yes, you heard that right. <i>Friday
Night Lights doesn't hold up. </i></span>
</span></div>
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</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I
was horrified, naturally, but the reasonable side of me decided to
turn to my most trusted TV critic for solace. And boy did I find it.</span></div>
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</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><a href="http://entertainment.time.com/2012/07/10/go-ahead-binge-watch-that-tv-show/">JamesPoniewozik</a> </span><span style="background-color: white;">is</span> always the trump card—sorry, Good Christian Boy Who Is Almost
Certainly Not Reading This. </span>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Not
only did Poniewozik calm my fears, he even compared TV to the serialized novel,
which suddenly makes my already amazing job (writing about literature
using TV references) that much better. Or validated. Or something.
Whatever, I love my job.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-49763563199274590492012-08-05T18:48:00.002-07:002012-08-05T18:50:00.990-07:00Episode 707<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background: transparent;">The
other day, I met someone who looked exactly like Michael Emerson (AKA
Ben Linus). Exactly. Same eyes, same nose, same creepy-but-endearing
personality.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background: transparent;">And
of course, no one else at the table saw it. Apparently, I have a
tendency to think people look like celebrities when they in no way
do. But I won't let it discourage me, and now I have one to share with
the Olympic-watching world:</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background: transparent;"><a href="http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2012/0630/oly_a_loche77_cr_600.jpg">RyanLochte</a> looks just like <a href="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lf6oitxxyU1qzh47to1_500.jpg">Luke Cafferty</a>. </span></span>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background: transparent;">Talk
amongst yourselves.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background: transparent;">P.S.
<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/ef/Jason_Lezak_2.jpg/220px-Jason_Lezak_2.jpg">Jason Lezak</a> has got to be related to <a href="http://www.exposay.com/celebrity-photos/craig-t-nelson-nbcuniversals-parenthood-J5SwPv.jpg">Craig T. Nelson</a>.</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-61851115879171481362012-08-02T23:12:00.001-07:002012-08-02T23:13:43.880-07:00Episode 706<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: small;">To Cancel or Not to Cancel?</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the studio apartment</span><b><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></b><span style="font-size: small;">to</span><b><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></b><span style="font-size: small;">stick with cable or to relish in the glory of the Roku.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">The run-down, based on pros. Yeah, the glass is always half full when it comes to TV.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-size: small;">Cable:</span></u></div>
<ol style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">The
Olympics</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Getting
to hear Alton and Bobby make fun of Giada. RICOTTA!</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Tear-jerking
contemporary routines on So You Think You Can Dance</span></div>
</li>
</ol>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-size: small;">Roku
(i.e., Netflix):</span></u></div>
<ol style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<li><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Watching
shows from the 90s and 00s that I never got to watch when they
aired. We're talking Ugly Betty, Felicity, My So-Called Life, and so
I don't seem like a total loser, Sports Night.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Unlimited,
convenient reruns of The Office and How I Met Your Mother, two of
the best rewatch value shows of all time.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">That
cool clicking sound it makes as you spend more time scrolling
through your choices than you actually spend watching them.</span></div>
</li>
</ol>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">When
you throw Hulu Plus into the mix, all signs point to Roku. Speak now,
or forever hold your peace.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-89593462933023227982012-02-11T10:15:00.000-08:002012-02-11T10:15:41.369-08:00Episode 705<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><div>January was a long month without cable. But it turns out it was a blessing in disguise: if I'd had cable, I may have never met <a href="http://www.serialiky.estranky.cz/img/picture/393/Henry-Grubstick.jpg">Henry Grubstick</a>. In any case, my month-long roommate and I watched 85 episodes of Ugly Betty (i.e. the entire series) in 16 days. (I'll let you do the math.) That's all to say that I think I can be considered at least a temporary authority on Ugly Betty. And because of the number of times daily that I say "That's what she said" with no shame, I'd say I can claim authority on The Office, too. With that, I'd like to take this opportunity to do a Wilhelmina Slater / Michael Scott comparison.<br />
<br />
First, for those of you unfamiliar with these two beloved bosses, let's just do a quick run-down:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://desmond.imageshack.us/Himg510/scaled.php?server=510&filename=michaelscottfurcoattg9.jpg&res=medium"><u>Michael Scott</u></a>:<br />
<br />
<b>Food preferences: </b>Awesome Blossom; milk and sugar<br />
<b>Minion:</b> Dwight Schrute, suburban Pennsylvania beet farmer<br />
<b>Wardrobe preferences: </b>Burlington Coat Factory; Casual Friday jeans<br />
<b>Biggest fear: </b>Nothing. (Also, we would have accepted snakes.)<br />
<br />
<u><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzHBBtiXtnmvmJHmACK81Vct8ib6DXEsUcQLTveHMWo7xmkIAQeWIyZM1wz_aGIJ-fjCCgKCjskVcG1dP4HYJkZDlrvfbZQNC4AUPaBp3KDgRyJLsZbcHwnsQhSMCDVVbMM-nAZDZ29Ng/s1600/syden_blog_wilhelmina+slater.jpg">Wilhelmina Slater</a></u>:</div><div><br />
<b>Food preferences:</b> Caviar and champagne<br />
<b>Minion: </b>Mark St. James, trendy Manhattan fashionista<br />
<b>Wardrobe: </b>She can turn a prison jumpsuit into fashion<br />
<b>Biggest fear:</b> Failure<br />
<br />
You get my point – these two could not be more different. But it all comes down to this: Michael Scott's life goal is to be loved. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4y3815zqDHQ">He hates disappointing people</a> and would do <i>anything</i> to be liked.<br />
<br />
And the amazing Wilhelmina Slater takes that all down with one line: "I'd rather be hated than inconvenienced." <br />
<br />
So, are you a Michael or a Wilhelmina? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aviFmhRebuA.%20">Or both</a>? <br />
</div></div><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-81254225567426152532012-01-28T11:00:00.000-08:002012-01-28T11:00:16.798-08:00Episode 704<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Last week, I woke up to the following e-mail from my roommate (who is currently three thousand miles away, and so, not my roommate).</span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"<span style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222;">1) Paul Rudd on Parks and Rec!!!!</span></span><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222;"><div>2) Up all night <a href="http://www.hulu.com/watch/320372/up-all-night-rivals?c=0:66">best first 30 seconds ever</a>. Haven't seen the rest because I was so inspired to write."</div><div><br />
</div><div>Now <i>this </i>is the kind of e-mail I want to wake up to in the morning. While it does indicate that I have not been watching real-time TV, it also indicates that the people who matter most know what matters most. </div><div><br />
</div><div>And while we're at it, I'd like to take this opportunity to tell anyone I know who used to work for Parks and Recreation that the silent treatment begins now and communication resumes whenever you get me my date with Paul.</div></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-77048713210223429922011-11-23T22:33:00.000-08:002011-11-23T22:34:02.168-08:00Episode 703<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You heard it <a href="http://tvtherapy.blogspot.com/2009/05/episode-218.html">here</a> first. </div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Now you're going to hear it again <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jason-kitchen/the-most-fascinating-two_b_480792.html">here</a>. Someone else - who happens to be just a hair more hilarious than I am - hates the Jeopardy story-telling ritual as much as I do.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Thank you, world. (And thank you to my favorite sister for pointing this out.)</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-59762398315884549972011-11-10T20:40:00.000-08:002011-11-10T20:40:41.850-08:00Episode 702<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: small;">My will power lasted for one post, but I can't hold it in any longer. I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That means it's official: middle-aged men are not the only ones who love Buffy. I can't quite put my finger on what is so attractive about the show, but it's like a drug. It has the quippy dialogue of Dawson's Creek, the teen angst of, um, Dawson's Creek, and the cast of, well, Dawson's Creek (as far as guest stars go, at least). But Buffy came first.<br />
<br />
Yes, Buffy can do more tricks than Kerri Strug. Yes, vampires always wait just one second too long to bite their prey and then end up getting killed by the Slayer. Yes, Giles and Buffy have a really inappropriate relationship that has probably turned many a school librarian into pedophiles. But the excitement! The gore! The bad 90s effects!<br />
<br />
That brings me to my final point. My old friend, Swank, suggested that I go as Buffy for Halloween. I thought about it and I was stumped: there's no way to go as Buffy. I could go as Joey Potter in a second: long and lean jeans with a tank top that's just a hair too short. Done. But Buffy? Black pleather pants and an orange spaghetti strap tank top? A schoolgirl skirt with knee-high boots and a sweater? An off-the-shoulders Ann Taylor style shirt with a bright red choker? Too many options! Basically, in order to dress up as Buffy, you just need to wear clothes, be super hot, and be a total freakin' bad ass.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-31838356786388157642011-11-05T19:00:00.000-07:002011-11-05T19:00:38.098-07:00Episode 701<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I'm pulling an Archer and having a quick off-season run. Since I seem to have blogitment phobia (yes, I realize how much that didn't work), I might just start employing a post-as-I-please attitude, and see how it goes. By now, the fall line-up has had time to show its true colors - I have a lot to say about it, but I'll start small.<br />
<br />
New Girl. This show is causing me some major emotional turmoil, which is odd, since it's probably the least emotionally complex show on TV (though I haven't seen Ringer yet, so I'd expect to be proven wrong there). The issue is this: Zooey Deschanel's character (and Zooey Deschanel, for that matter) is freakin' adorable. She's sweet, she's funny, she's charming, she's hilarious, and she's beautiful. But if she existed in real life, she would be, by far, my least favorite person on the planet. This is my impression of real-life Jess (much better live, but you take what you can get): "What? I'm being quirky? I didn't even realize! This is just how I am!" NO IT'S NOT. You're putting on a show. Ahem, anyway: she'd basically be the worst combination of a hipster, a flake, a poser (do people actually say poser anymore?), and a hippie.<br />
<br />
But I love her. And therein lies the rub.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-82954122616277693142011-09-12T16:24:00.000-07:002011-09-12T22:30:19.255-07:00Interlude<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Just to make sure everyone's still watching TV when the brilliant 2011 season opens:</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
1) <a href="http://www.someecards.com/confession-cards/reality-television-books-funny-ecard">Truer words have never been spoken</a>.<br />
<br />
2) My TV fairy godfather (and Godfather) has changed my life with a tiny little miracle called the Roku. In doing so, he's changed your lives, too, because I now have so much more material (which will start up again at a date TBD).<br />
<br />
3) A list of the top 10 shows I am watching this fall, and you should, too (for those of you new to these posts, this will also help familiarize you with my tastes, and get you running straight in the other direction):<br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><u>New:</u><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Suburgatory<br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Person of Interest</span><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Free Agents<br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Up All Night<br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">2 Broke Girls</span><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><u>Returning*</u>:<br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">The Office<br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Parks and Recreation</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Modern Family<br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Parenthood</span><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">90210</span><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
*P</span><span style="font-size: small;">lease join me in honoring the art of television and don't watch Glee.<br />
<br />
P.S. Don't forget about the Emmy Awards on Sunday. GO PANTHERS.<br />
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-23954883235463767182011-08-18T14:59:00.001-07:002011-08-18T14:59:27.736-07:00Episode 622<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">One final installment before I go on official hiatus (as opposed to the unofficial hiatus of the last month). This time, I have a good excuse: HBO GO. So many shows at my fingertips, there won't be much time for anything else. Except Bachelor Pad. It turns out the premiere was three hours long, and it turns out I watched the whole thing. If it redeems me at all, I did delete Jersey Shore from my DVR approximately three minutes into the first episode (I had to record it since it was in Florence, but it wasn't even close to worth it). In any case, all of my summer reality TV will be made up for by the high class shows that HBO has to offer.<br />
<br />
OH WAIT.<br />
<br />
Granted, I maybe didn't start at the top of the critically-acclaimed list, but what on earth is so great about True Blood? I only made it halfway through the third episode of the first season before I decided to call it quits. My main issue with it is this: Anna Paquin. And the rest of the show. And I think that's all.<br />
<br />
So, until next time, I leave you with my top pick for the new fall line-up: Suburgatory. No particular reason, I just have a feeling it's going to be a game-changer.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-71710614234964404632011-07-06T13:28:00.000-07:002011-07-06T13:28:05.754-07:00Episode 621<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The other night I was at a karaoke bar (please don't stop reading) and while my Swiss-philosopher friend was singing a choreographed version of "Larger Than Life" by the Backstreet Boys (seriously, please stay with me), he noticed that Friday Night Lights was playing on the TV in the bar. A Giants game had been airing on NBC earlier that night - which, by the way, had given me an inflated sense of confidence about my rendition of REO Speedwagon's "Keep on Lovin' You" because of the intermittent cheers - and the TV was still tuned to that channel. Needless to say, Coach and Tammy were a bit distracting, but even more problematic was this: having your eyes well up at the opening credits of melodramatic TV show is not exactly the impression you want to give at a dive bar.<br />
<br />
In any case, one of the other people we had come with was only two seasons in to Friday Night Lights so I implored her not to look at the TV, for fear that she would see the nuclear missile hit Dillon, Texas and kill all the main characters. (Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.) She didn't listen, though, and the next thing I know, I hear "Uh oh, it looks like Tim Riggins is under deposition." Luckily, no one is surprised to see that Tim Riggins is in trouble with the law.<br />
<br />
Because there is no point to this story, other than to reminisce about Friday Night Lights, I will take this opportunity to say that even on mute, those characters convey more emotion than most actors could with all the words in the world. If Kyle Chandler does not win the Emmy this year, heads will roll. Or at least eyes will roll. After giving <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbfwRHK0086r7UMSAOQiHAFkodO_JyI2W0zbgDmtEvHP5VtQHbqidVyVseHJSK-JJlaMEBXDyMERreHi-sadSe3ASIxSrbaDW_D_LXPao_FVEjL8su6rz9MQXgCRNhQHy11IPmkFn4dFcW/s400/jim-parsons_l-300x300.jpg" target="_blank">Jim Parsons</a> an Emmy last year, the Academy owes us one. It actually owes us <a href="http://timetunedin.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/officecarellleaving.jpg">several</a>. <br />
<br />
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-80473560291481003092011-06-28T16:10:00.000-07:002011-06-28T16:10:24.185-07:00Episode 620<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I have resisted the temptation to write about The Bachelorette for precisely five weeks. Self-editing is a virtue: a lesson Ashley, this season's per-fect (does anyone else notice that she pronounces that word too phonetically? - yes, I'm a very tolerant person) Bachelorette, needs to learn. For those of you who have avoided ABC, People Magazine, and humanity for the past month or so: this season, Ashley fell immediately for Bentley, a seriously deranged lunatic who trashed her on national television and then left the show, claiming that he couldn't be away from his daughter. Yes, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPGccGdg4PI&feature=related">this man</a> is a father.<br />
<br />
When he left, Bentley said that their love story wasn't over - instead, there was just a "dot-dot-dot." (Deep, I know.) Boy oh boy, did Ashley hang on to that one.<br />
<br />
It would be exhausting and violence-inducing to count the number of times the name Bentley has been spoken this season on the show - I would estimate around two hundred (and we're only six episodes in). What I can count, though, is how many times the word - oh wait, not word, totally ridiculous and meaningless phrase - "dot-dot-dot" was spoken on last night's episode: seven times. </span><span style="font-size: small;">That's twenty-one "dot"s in 79 minutes of television.</span><span style="font-size: small;"> (Full disclosure: I fast-forwarded through all of the "coming up on The Bachelorette" clips, which constitute about 85% of the show, so my count doesn't even include those occurrences - I'd say we could safely double it.) <br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Luckily, Ashley finally came to her senses and ended the madness using a well-deserved Cee Lo style farewell with three dots of its own: "f*** you."</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-78998759772551294612011-06-15T16:50:00.000-07:002011-06-15T16:50:54.369-07:00Episode 619<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Everything reminds me of The Office. Everything.<br />
<br />
An <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2011/jun/06/us-economy-decline-recovery-challenges">article on economic history</a>? Yeppers!<br />
<br />
A <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIwHTBusJfM">Lady Gaga song</a> on the radio? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIwHTBusJfM" target="_blank"></a> Yesh!<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Any situation in which someone counts to three (or the go that's after three)? Absolutely it does.<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The list goes on, and becomes more and more banal (I can't even go to the dentist or hear someone say "as well" without a little chuckle). I won't describe which scene in The Office each of those things reminds me of (though if you're reading this, you probably already know). And in return, I'll ask you not to tell me which Swiss philosopher has informed your most recent relationship decision. <br />
<br />
Everyone has their own frame of reference - mine is TV. And, of course, post-Foucauldian social theory.</div><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-7919312320186691242011-05-28T21:06:00.000-07:002011-05-28T21:06:39.400-07:00Episode 618<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Summer television has commenced, and while I'm tempted to already start raving about So You Think You Can Dance, I will hold off for now: it is a precious rarity of good summer TV and I'll need to use it when I very quickly run out of material.<br />
<br />
While plenty of other, less talented reality TV will also air this summer, I'd like to focus on one new show in particular: <a href="http://www.nbc.com/love-in-the-wild/">Love in the Wild</a>, an "adventure-dating" series that strands ten men and ten women in the Costa Rican jungle, competing against each other while simultaneous trying to find love. I know what you're thinking: "How does this show exist?" Well, here's what I'm thinking: "How does this show exist <i>only now</i>?" How did it take television 22 seasons of Survivor and 22 seasons of the Bachelor franchise to realize that the two are MFEO?<br />
<br />
It does remind me, though, of my only reality TV star encounter ever, a story that I can now proudly recount because it is finally pertinent. <a href="http://www.derok.net/images/entertainment/survivor%20yul.jpg">Yul</a> - winner of Survivor: Cook Islands - opened a Red Mango three blocks from my house. I recognized him instantly at the grand opening (and yes, I'm proud of that). When I approached him, he was incredibly friendly, but just a little too eager to tell me about some off-screen shenanigans. Within thirty seconds of meeting him, he recounted an unclothed and inebriated hot tub incident involving Parvati and Ozzy, two of that season's most eye-candied contestants.</span><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.derok.net/images/entertainment/survivor%20yul.jpg" target="_blank"></a><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
Bottom line: maybe the reason that it took them this long to produce a Survivor/Bachelor Pad mash-up is because it was essentially already happening behind the scenes. But hey, better now than never.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-40152128085890584222011-05-24T18:38:00.000-07:002011-05-24T22:16:30.359-07:00Episode 617<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now that most shows have aired their finales, I think it's time a do a Top 10 Winners and Losers list for TV this season:<br />
<br />
<u>Winners*</u></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">1) </span><span style="font-size: small;">Friday Night Lights (Every. Single. Moment.)<br />
2) </span><span style="font-size: small;">The Office post-Steve Carell (somehow)<br />
3) Baby Lily on Modern Family (Sadly, she's going to have to start talking soon.)<br />
4) </span><span style="font-size: small;">Tom Haverford</span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">5) Michael Emerson on Parenthood<br />
6) Boston Rob (literally...and finally.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">7) "Oh, Honey"</span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">8) Jennifer Lopez</span><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
9) Perfect Couples (I know you - and the people in charge - disagree.)<br />
10) Richard Blais's drug dealer<br />
<br />
<u>Losers*</u></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">1) Matthew Morrison<br />
2) Brad Womack<br />
3) Ashton Kutcher (even more than Charlie Sheen, I'd say.)<br />
4) American Idol voters</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">5) Carson Daly (if not for him, The Voice might have been on the other side of this.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">6) Community<br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">7) Dexter (apparently - I'm a season behind, so I'm trusting my sources on this one.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">8) Gossip Girl<br />
9) Richard Dreyfuss on Parenthood<br />
10) Florence, Italy (this would be number 1, but Season 4 of Jersey Shore hasn't even aired yet.)</span><span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">*Other than the #1 slots on both lists, these are in no particular order. To clarify: that means that Friday Night Lights is the best thing that happened to television this year and Matthew Morrison is the worst thing that happened to television...ever. Seriously insufferable.<br />
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-70057383583298635192011-05-06T14:45:00.001-07:002011-05-06T14:45:41.177-07:00Episode 616<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Yet another blow-softener (do I even need to say it?) for Steve Carell's departure from prime time. The man himself was on Ellen this week (as was amazingly-east-coast-pride-filled John Krasinski), and she asked him if - having completed filming on The Office and Crazy, Stupid, Love - he is good at not having anything to do. He responded: <br />
<br />
"I am so great at not having anything to do. I think I am an intrinsically, extremely lazy person. And an entire day will go by and I will have done nothing but drive my kids to school, pick them up, have a cup of coffee, read the paper, and go to bed. And that's it. That's like...I have nothing to show for a day. I love it. I think I am just a lazy, lazy person at heart."<br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Most celebrities - and while we're at it, most human beings - love to flaunt how busy they are, no matter what absurdity the busyness consists of (how do you have time to be reading this blog, anyway?) But as</span><span style="font-size: small;"> someone who often has nothing to show for a day, and loves it, I truly appreciate the sincerity of this phenomenal man. <br />
<br />
</span> <span style="font-size: small;">But I can't end this entry without giving credit to Ellen herself for another, almost-as-brilliant comment: "TV is the most important thing in the whole wide world. Well...it's more important than reading and less important than money." And she's completely unbiased.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-32671868109020481652011-04-29T14:52:00.000-07:002011-04-29T14:53:24.481-07:00Episode 615<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">There were only two things that could have softened the blow of Steve Carell leaving The Office: an absolutely perfect final episode or a huge "PSYCH!" displayed, Chuck Lorre-style, at the end of the hour. I might have preferred the latter, given my embarrassingly tear-filled reaction to his departure, but I'll take what I can get - and they nailed it (that's what she said). I feel like I'll somehow taint it if I try to dissect why it was so beautifully done, but it was absolutely a reward to those of us who followed Michael, for better or worse, through seven hilarious years. </span><span style="font-size: small;">And the fact that the episode was titled "Goodbye, Michael" reminded us perfectly of Michael at his "Goodbye, Toby" best.<br />
<br />
With Steve Carell gone, and rumors that Alec Baldwin is next, I can only thank the NBC gods that Nick Offerman (Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson) is going strong. As brilliant as Aziz Ansari was on <a href="http://www.hulu.com/watch/233347/parks-and-recreation-soulmates">last week's episode</a> - making it one of the most consistently funny half-hours in recent TV history - Nick Offerman once again stole the show this week, despite his limited screen-time. </span><span style="font-size: small;">The only way his <a href="http://www.hulu.com/watch/235367/parks-and-recreation-jerrys-painting?c=268:336">speech at the art show</a> could have been better is if Michael Scott had been waiting for him afterward at the bar, somehow proud of his own accomplishment.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-90464635887547520612011-04-20T12:08:00.001-07:002011-04-20T12:08:58.851-07:00Episode 614It had been about two years since I'd watched an episode of Dawson's Creek, and the other day I decided to give it another go: a walk down memory lane, some face time with my old friend Pacey. Well, I'm not sure if the transition from early- to mid-twenties gave me a few extra brain cells, but wow, what a terrible show. Don't get me wrong, it will always be in my heart, and I will never stop relating my personal experiences to it and making everyone around me do the same, but I might not be breaking out those DVDs again until I'm sure that pure nostalgia will carry me through.<br />
<br />
The friend who inadvertently got me hooked on Dawson's Creek (by rolling her eyes as I cried my heart out during Jen's dying monologue in the series finale, the first episode I'd ever seen) just pointed me to this: <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/articles/50f302db7d/these-tv-shows-would-be-a-lot-better-if">a list of TV shows</a> that could have been a lot better, if only... I agree with 100% of them (as long as Marshall gets to stick around as Barney's sidekick on How I Met Your Mother 2.0), but since there are only 19, I thought I'd round it out with my own #20: Dawson's Creek would have been better if every time Katie Holmes or James Van Der Beek said anything, everyone responded in unison: "No one cares." And while we're at it, perhaps we can discover why Jen's American grandma had a British accent.<a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/articles/50f302db7d/these-tv-shows-would-be-a-lot-better-if" target="_blank"><br />
</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-87881597139882227922011-04-11T16:37:00.000-07:002011-04-11T16:40:54.863-07:00Episode 613<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A famous study, initiated at Bing Nursery School, tested children's capacities for delayed gratification. They were given a marshmallow and told that they could either eat it right away, or, if they waited a certain amount of time, they would be given two marshmallows (basically a gold mine for a 3-year-old). After following up with the participants decades later, researchers noticed that those who had waited for the second marshmallow had higher SAT scores and were generally described as more competent. So: wait for the second one and not only do you get two marshmallows, but you apparently get life-long success. You can see a rather hilarious repetition of the experiment <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/7945801.stm">here</a>. <br />
<br />
Television has recently decided to conduct this experiment on the American public. NBC will be airing the final season of Friday Night Lights beginning next Friday, but because it was already aired on DirecTV, the DVDs were released last week. This gave us all the option: buy the DVDs and watch them all at once for immediate but short-lived joy, or wait for them to air week by week, thus delaying (and extending) gratification.<br />
<br />
In case you were wondering, I ate <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Friday-Night-Lights-Fifth-Season/dp/B003L77GCE/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1302563935&sr=1-1">the marshmallow</a>. And it was absolutely worth a future of incompetence and failure.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-28870471240989706872011-03-17T16:19:00.000-07:002011-03-17T20:16:55.632-07:00Episode 612On a recent version of the SAT, there was an <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/17/sat-prompt-asks-students-_n_837087.html">essay question</a> about the implications and impact of Reality TV on American society. Ten years too late, SAT board - if I'd had that prompt, maybe I could have gotten into an Ivy, or (gasp!) Stanford.<br />
<br />
Students have inevitably taken up arms against the question. I completely agree with their complaints: someone who watches Reality TV will have a much easier time responding. A student knowledgeable about the genre could provide, or at least have in mind, specific examples that would support their argument or even help them form a convincing response. (For instance, they could mention how awful it is that the <a href="http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2011/news/110328/brad-womack-4-300.jpg">cover of this week's People Magazine</a> features Brad and Emily's rocky engagement while confining the tragedy in Japan to the sidebar, just above the discussion of Kate Middleton's bikini body). So yes, the question is unfair. <br />
<br />
But too freakin' bad. <br />
<br />
Reality TV <i>does</i> have an impact on our society, for better or worse, and as informed citizens, high school students should be able to discuss it. Not that they shouldn't also be informed about politics and the global economy (etc. etc. etc.) but that doesn't preclude an an awareness of television culture. In fact, pop culture is the easiest of any "subject" to learn - it's the most accessible (literally and intellectually) and takes the fewest brain cells to process (though probably kills the most). I'm not suggesting that sixteen-year-olds should be forced to watch Jersey Shore and America's Next Top Model, or that they need to know that first-ever Survivor winner, Richard Hatch, is back for another stint in prison. But they should absolutely be able to form a clear argument about one of the most important American cultural phenomena.<br />
<br />
And really, now that the SAT is out of 2400, no one over the age of 18 really knows what your score means anyway.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-37495161430397243992011-03-09T15:38:00.000-08:002011-03-09T15:38:05.148-08:00Episode 611Jury duty is second only to filing taxes on the list of Things Americans Hate to Do. I'm here to change that. Having spent the past two days at jury duty, I can say with confidence that it is one of the most entertaining things I have ever done (take that as you will). Why write about it here? Because I would like to propose that it becomes a new TV show: a spin-off of The Office and Parks and Recreation that documents the jury selection process in a suburban courthouse.<br />
<br />
I don't know quite how to describe the absurdity that ensued (although everyone knows a version of it), so instead, I'll just list off a few things I learned - or that I knew, but were confirmed for me - observing the process.<br />
<br />
1) All Americans are either pretentious, crazy, or stupid (or some combination of the three): I knew it would all be downhill when so many people couldn't follow instructions that the administrative assistant had to lecture a room full of functioning adults on how to fill out a form.<br />
<br />
2) As a general rule, people are not good liars, especially when it comes to pretending to be prejudiced (which is surprising, given that most of us are, in fact, quite prejudiced).<br />
<br />
3) People who like to schmooze should not be allowed to be judges: I could elaborate, but let's just say this Phil Dunphy of a character referred to every female in the room - ages 18 to 80 - as "young lady."<br />
<br />
4) Conciseness is not a strong suit of most Americans. If you're going to BS your way out of serving, please do it immediately, and save everyone else the time. A fifteen-minute story about how you were pulled over by a police officer 23 years ago and how the experience has tainted your view of traffic violations really isn't in anyone's best interest. I have never thought the words "TMI" more in my life.<br />
<br />
5) The sixth amendment should be further amended: in addition to "the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury," the defendant should have "the right to a private room and a television to watch all six seasons of LOST (or the equivalent) while the jury selection process is taking place." As if being on trial isn't enough.<br />
<br />
In this new show (which will air in Two and Half Men's old time slot), the judge, clerk, bailiff, recorder, and attorneys would be recurring characters, while the defendant and potential jurors would change each time (but of course there would be the Dwight Schrute of the group who came un-summoned to every selection - with the hopes of being seated - just to be a good citizen).<br />
<br />
Basically, Jury Duty will be like The Office, but with no windows and the risk of perjury.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-28140971691853239992011-03-01T13:41:00.000-08:002011-03-01T13:41:38.812-08:00Episode 610I assume Mel Gibson is sending Charlie Sheen some great, big thank-you flowers right about now. Charlie Sheen has created a mockery of himself more than I - or anyone else - could possibly do, so it's not really even worth trying to be witty about it. Lucky for me, someecards has already taken care of that and has captured, in <a href="http://www.someecards.com/search-cards/newest?t=charlie%20sheen">seventeen distinct one-liners</a>, how much America hates the beast and more importantly, <a href="http://www.someecards.com/tv-cards/charlie-sheen-two-and-a-half-men-cancelled-funny-ecard">Two and a Half Men</a>.<br />
<br />
Because Charlie Sheen has given TV a bad name, I want to propose an antidote: seven-year-old Riley Chandler. <a href="http://ellen.warnerbros.com/videos/?autoplay=true&mediaKey=277b9825-d44d-4d9c-8486-399636109a5a">These four minutes and seven seconds</a> redeem television (and humanity) from every ill He Who Shall Continue to Be Named (on Every News Outlet in America) has ever committed. This is almost better than baby pandas cuddling with their moms.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4151413933946134153.post-7077769119992415352011-02-18T03:40:00.000-08:002011-02-18T03:40:04.196-08:00Episode 609I'm writing this while sitting on the floor of SFO, waiting to board my flight to LAX (four-hour delay and counting). As much as I love the people-watching, this does mean I'm missing Thursday-night TV, including an episode of The Office called "Threat Level Midnight." (Can. Not. Wait.) To console myself, I'm going to write about a few things I loved this week on TV:<br />
<br />
1) Michael Emerson on Parenthood. The one drawback of that otherwise flawless show is (and my driver in LAX agrees) the one-note portrayal of Max, the middle-schooler with Asperger's. I'm not sure if it's the fault of the writers, the directors, or the child actor with a tremendously difficult role to play, but Max - who should be one of the show's more dynamic and sympathetic characters - falls flat. In any case, Michael Emerson (with just the right amount of Ben Linus in him) guest starred in this week's episode as a man with Asperger's - and he gave one of the most nuanced performances the show has ever seen (which is saying a lot given the knock-out talent on the regular cast). It's worth checking out (hulu.com - sorry for lack of links, I'm writing this old-school Notes style and will even if you don't follow the show. P.S. Can we agree that Michael Emerson is the Christoph Waltz of the small screen?<br />
<br />
2) The new feedingamerica.org ad campaign. This is a little less exciting when I can't link to examples, but let's just say that Taye Diggs, Matt Damon, and Ben Affleck made me want to pick Feeding America next time they ask me to choose a cause at Whole Foods. Commercials for charities that don't rely on Sarah McLachlan songs to elicit the tears are always okay in my book.<br />
<br />
3) Elmo showing Padma who's boss. The stars of Sesame Street were the (best) guest judges (ever) on Top Chef: All Stars this week. The challenge was to make cookies worthy of Cookie Monster. When one chef made a cookie with cinnamon and it was mistaken for cardamom, Padma, in true attempted-snobbery style, informed the Muppets that "cinnamon and cardamom come from the same part of the world." Elmo then retorted with what every viewer was thinking (and I quote): "TMI." <br />
<br />
Speaking of TMI, my butt is a bit sore from all this floor-sitting, so it's time to wrap up and take a stroll. Hey, it could be worse; it's 10:45pm on a Thursday - I could be watching Outsourced.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0