Episode 707

The other day, I met someone who looked exactly like Michael Emerson (AKA Ben Linus). Exactly. Same eyes, same nose, same creepy-but-endearing personality.

And of course, no one else at the table saw it. Apparently, I have a tendency to think people look like celebrities when they in no way do. But I won't let it discourage me, and now I have one to share with the Olympic-watching world:

RyanLochte looks just like Luke Cafferty.

Talk amongst yourselves.

P.S. Jason Lezak has got to be related to Craig T. Nelson.

Episode 706

To Cancel or Not to Cancel?

That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the studio apartment to stick with cable or to relish in the glory of the Roku.

The run-down, based on pros. Yeah, the glass is always half full when it comes to TV.

Cable:

1. The Olympics
2. Getting to hear Alton and Bobby make fun of Giada. RICOTTA!
3. Tear-jerking contemporary routines on So You Think You Can Dance

Roku (i.e., Netflix):

1. Watching shows from the 90s and 00s that I never got to watch when they aired. We're talking Ugly Betty, Felicity, My So-Called Life, and so I don't seem like a total loser, Sports Night.
2. Unlimited, convenient reruns of The Office and How I Met Your Mother, two of the best rewatch value shows of all time.
3. That cool clicking sound it makes as you spend more time scrolling through your choices than you actually spend watching them.

When you throw Hulu Plus into the mix, all signs point to Roku. Speak now, or forever hold your peace.

Episode 705

January was a long month without cable.  But it turns out it was a blessing in disguise: if I'd had cable, I may have never met Henry Grubstick. In any case, my month-long roommate and I watched 85 episodes of Ugly Betty (i.e. the entire series) in 16 days.  (I'll let you do the math.) That's all to say that I think I can be considered at least a temporary authority on Ugly Betty.  And because of the number of times daily that I say "That's what she said" with no shame, I'd say I can claim authority on The Office, too.  With that, I'd like to take this opportunity to do a Wilhelmina Slater / Michael Scott comparison.

First, for those of you unfamiliar with these two beloved bosses, let's just do a quick run-down:

Michael Scott:

Food preferences: Awesome Blossom; milk and sugar
Minion: Dwight Schrute, suburban Pennsylvania beet farmer
Wardrobe preferences: Burlington Coat Factory; Casual Friday jeans
Biggest fear: Nothing. (Also, we would have accepted snakes.)

Wilhelmina Slater:

Food preferences: Caviar and champagne
Minion: Mark St. James, trendy Manhattan fashionista
Wardrobe: She can turn a prison jumpsuit into fashion
Biggest fear: Failure

You get my point – these two could not be more different.  But it all comes down to this: Michael Scott's life goal is to be loved. He hates disappointing people and would do anything to be liked.

And the amazing Wilhelmina Slater takes that all down with one line: "I'd rather be hated than inconvenienced." 

So, are you a Michael or a Wilhelmina?  Or both?

Episode 704

Last week, I woke up to the following e-mail from my roommate (who is currently three thousand miles away, and so, not my roommate).

"1) Paul Rudd on Parks and Rec!!!!

2) Up all night best first 30 seconds ever.  Haven't seen the rest because I was so inspired to write."

Now this is the kind of e-mail I want to wake up to in the morning.  While it does indicate that I have not been watching real-time TV, it also indicates that the people who matter most know what matters most. 

And while we're at it, I'd like to take this opportunity to tell anyone I know who used to work for Parks and Recreation that the silent treatment begins now and communication resumes whenever you get me my date with Paul.

Episode 703

You heard it here first. 

Now you're going to hear it again here.  Someone else - who happens to be just a hair more hilarious than I am - hates the Jeopardy story-telling ritual as much as I do.

Thank you, world.  (And thank you to my favorite sister for pointing this out.)

Episode 702

My will power lasted for one post, but I can't hold it in any longer.  I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  That means it's official: middle-aged men are not the only ones who love Buffy.  I can't quite put my finger on what is so attractive about the show, but it's like a drug.  It has the quippy dialogue of Dawson's Creek, the teen angst of, um, Dawson's Creek, and the cast of, well, Dawson's Creek (as far as guest stars go, at least).  But Buffy came first.

Yes, Buffy can do more tricks than Kerri Strug.  Yes, vampires always wait just one second too long to bite their prey and then end up getting killed by the Slayer.  Yes, Giles and Buffy have a really inappropriate relationship that has probably turned many a school librarian into pedophiles.  But the excitement!  The gore!  The bad 90s effects!

That brings me to my final point.  My old friend, Swank, suggested that I go as Buffy for Halloween.  I thought about it and I was stumped: there's no way to go as Buffy.  I could go as Joey Potter in a second: long and lean jeans with a tank top that's just a hair too short.  Done.  But Buffy? Black pleather pants and an orange spaghetti strap tank top?  A schoolgirl skirt with knee-high boots and a sweater?  An off-the-shoulders Ann Taylor style shirt with a bright red choker?  Too many options!  Basically, in order to dress up as Buffy, you just need to wear clothes, be super hot, and be a total freakin' bad ass.

Episode 701

I'm pulling an Archer and having a quick off-season run.  Since I seem to have blogitment phobia (yes, I realize how much that didn't work), I might just start employing a post-as-I-please attitude, and see how it goes.  By now, the fall line-up has had time to show its true colors - I have a lot to say about it, but I'll start small.

New Girl.  This show is causing me some major emotional turmoil, which is odd, since it's probably the least emotionally complex show on TV (though I haven't seen Ringer yet, so I'd expect to be proven wrong there).  The issue is this: Zooey Deschanel's character (and Zooey Deschanel, for that matter) is freakin' adorable.  She's sweet, she's funny, she's charming, she's hilarious, and she's beautiful.  But if she existed in real life, she would be, by far, my least favorite person on the planet.  This is my impression of real-life Jess (much better live, but you take what you can get): "What?  I'm being quirky? I didn't even realize!  This is just how I am!"  NO IT'S NOT.  You're putting on a show.  Ahem, anyway: she'd basically be the worst combination of a hipster, a flake, a poser (do people actually say poser anymore?), and a hippie.

But I love her.  And therein lies the rub.