I'd really like to be on Ellen. I've thought about ways to get myself there: be the most generous, giving, volunteering, selfless person ever; become a 12-year-old boy, sing Lady Gaga, and have it go viral on YouTube; lose the job I don't have so I can no longer support the children I don't have; marry Harry Connick, Jr. ... the options are endless, just not very realistic (other than that last one, for which I'm still holding out hope).
And in order for this post to have any content whatsoever, I suggest you watch this hilarious You Can't Do That on Television (or can you?) moment, care of the lovely and just-inappropriate-enough Ellen.
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