Episode 408

Since the State of the Union address aired last night, I think it's obvious what I'll be posting about today.

American Idol.

Neil Patrick Harris's appearance as a guest judge was a stroke of pure genius and a nice change of pace from the surprisingly bitchy and condescending Avril Lavigne. In any case, if Harris's stint on Idol is any indication of what his alleged guest role on Glee will be like, the answer is -- wait for it -- awesome. Other than the twelve-too-many Doogie Howser jokes made (that's on Fox, not NPH), it was pure bliss -- particularly when he began hum-harmonizing to the theme song from Barney. And no, there's no double-HIMYM-meaning anywhere in that.

Last night we also saw Randy at his best. In addition to such profound musical guidance as "No, dude, I mean, really, right?" Randy completely overturned the rules of mathematics, telling several people that he was voting "a million percent yes" and even giving one lucky auditioner "a billion percent yes" (that's 1,000,000,000% for those of you who wanted to visualize). That really makes Kara's 110%s and Simon's definitelies and absolutelies seem quite tame.

For those of you who were watching DVRed Obama instead of American Idol (I know more people still vote for president than American Idol, but not by much) -- there was a worth-watching TV commentary in song on last night's episode. This guy should musical blog. With Neil Patrick Harris.

Episode 407

As the return of LOST approaches, I'd like to write about something near and dear to all of our hearts: The Constant. Though I'm sure we've all analyzed (to death) who or what our constant is in our own lives -- not to mention its many implications on the program -- it's interesting to think about constants withinTV shows.

With Simon's recently-announced departure from American Idol, many viewers wonder whether the show will last. Can it succeed without Simon? My prediction -- based on the science of the constant -- is yes. Because of Ryan Seacrest's (awesome and) continuing presence on the show, fans will still be in their comfort zone watching and it won't feel like their whole world was turned upside down.

A similar example is found in shows like Survivor. How is it that fans have kept the show going for 20 seasons when (usually) none of the cast is recycled? Two words: Jeff Probst. Without Jeff Probst -- Survivor's constant -- the show wouldn't stand a chance.

For those of you who are about to object/stop reading because of my reliance on reality TV examples, The Constant Theory works for scripted shows as well. Something tells me, for example, that no one would be getting behind the Dillon Panthers for J.D. McCoy; but for Coach Taylor, our loyalty never dies. Friday Night Lights has had to filter out some of its central characters because of the whole graduating from high school thing, but with Coach, Tammy, and Buddy around, the show still feels like home.

So my advice to writers and producers would be this: make sure that, from Episode 1, you have a constant. Someone who won't quit, graduate, or decide he wants to make the move back to 11:35pm.

P.S. If you didn't click on the link above, now's the time. It is absolutely worth it, probably even more if you're not a LOST fan.

Episode 406

30 Rock finally lost its award-winning momentum this year at the Golden Globes (just ignore Alec Baldwin's absentee win) when it was beat out for best Comedy/Musical series by Glee. It was a nice change of pace, to say the least. I also applaud the Hollywood Foreign Press for the nomination of Modern Family, which has only been around for a few months, but has made a big and well-deserved splash. But here's my question: if the newborn Modern Family can earn a spot in the ceremony, where was Parks and Recreation?

Parks and Recreation has completely blown away the other Thursday night NBC shows this season. Last week's episode put the icing on the cake, when Will Arnett made a guest appearance as a potential love interest for Amy Poehler . But it wasn't just his spot-on and lingering facial expressions that made this episode such a stand-out.

While we've already determined that Parks and Recreation is no longer just The Office 2.0 (or 3.0, I guess), what was glaringly clear last Thursday was that Leslie Knope is no longer just a female version of Michael Scott. Yes, she still shares a lot of characteristics with the World's Best Boss, but there is something strikingly different about Leslie: she has a sense of self-awareness. She may say something crude and inappropriate to the camera, but instead of just smilingly blankly after the fact, she usually realizes her mistake. Similarly, and this is important, she has the ability to grasp when other people are crazy (i.e. Will Arnett's character) something that Michael Scott can never do (i.e. Todd Packer).

So, who has two thumbs and thinks Parks and Recreation should have won the Golden Globe?

THIS GUY.

Episode 405

When it comes down to it, Survivor is essentially the reality version of LOST -- or chronologically, I suppose, LOST is the non-reality version of Survivor. Take a look at this, and then at this: if no one had ever seen either show, they honestly might not be able to tell which promo picture was for which show.

The question I'd like to pose, though, is this: which brilliant creation -- LOST or Survivor -- is more influential for American culture? As a loyal viewer of both, it's hard for me judge objectively, so I'll just lay out the two sides to the argument and you can decide.

Survivor:
Variety just named Survivor the most influential show of the decade. It's true: Survivor created the reality-show-with-a-prize genre, which now dominates television. Think about it, Tila Tequila is famous because of Survivor. If that doesn't do it for you, here's another gem: Tina's rat/snake diatribe from the final tribal council on Season 1 was ranked among the Washington Post archive's "Top 10 Best Speeches," just below -- wait for it -- MLK Jr.'s "I have a dream." So... we currently have Survivor on the same playing field as the civil rights movement and Tila Tequila. Top that, LOST.

LOST:
As we all know and are obsessing about, the final season of LOST premieres on February 2. President Obama usually gives a little-known speech called the State of the Union address in late January, but this year, he considered postponing until the beginning of February: February 2 to be exact. Well, the American public would have none of that. All it took was an uproar from a ridiculous amount of crazed LOST fans for the White House to back down. I think the White House Press Secretary summed it up pretty well: "I don't foresee a scenario in which the millions of people who hope to see a conclusion to 'Lost' are pre-empted by the president."

"True that," responded America.

Episode 404

Uh oh.

This is not good news.

But remember, and I quote: "Television isn't lethal in and of itself." Words to live by.

Episode 403

One of the more unique things about television is that it brings stars to life. I'm thinking mostly about morning and variety shows that interview celebrities, and those moments when you realize that the stars you adore are pretty much just as dorky as you. I recently saw an interview with Adam Lambert on the Jay Leno show (not even going to get started on that whole ordeal here), just a few days after the AMA debacle, and I could not believe how completely and utterly normal and down-to-earth he was. For someone who could very easily be aloof and uninterested, he fairly eloquently discussed the AMA issue without cowering, and more impressively, without attacking the offended party. Put this kid in a suit and tie and he could have been interviewing for an entry-level accounting job.

Speaking of singing and celebrities, who knew Ben Folds was so smart? He was one of three judges on the Sing Off, and other than his awkward resemblance to Austin Powers, he was able to show us that he can do more than just be the most ridiculous piano player ever. He was also able to convince the rest of the world that singing isn't only cool when it involves "a karaoke machine and three beers." In fact, the Sing Off itself was successful in so many ways. Like So You Think You Can Dance, it was a showcase of actual talent (sorry American Idol) and also, it exhibited a kind of music that, while popular in some communities, certainly doesn't have much chance to shine. And for those of you who thought Glee couldn't be any more perfect, the Sing Off turned it into a reality show. Near perfection + Reality TV = Perfection.

Episode 402

Over the holiday break, I had a chance to watch even more daytime television than I normally do. I usually limit myself to shows with some redeeming qualities (Ellen, Full House, etc.) but that is not even close to possible when you literally have nothing to do, as opposed to just doing nothing (the two are very different).

One of the shows that I kept up with was The Price is Right. I need not comment on Drew Carey, as I have taken care of that monstrosity in previous posts, but I'd just like to share a really frightening experience I had while watching TPIR these past couple of weeks.

Everyone remembers the classic game "Now...or Then." If you need a refresher, don't worry, there's a wikipedia entry about it. Now, when we used to watch this show as children -- don't even try to deny it -- you would be comparing the prices of grocery items from "now," whenever that was and "then," which was without fail some far off date in the late 80s or maybe early 90s before you even had any memories. Well, prepare to have your minds blown. The other day on the Price is Right, the THEN date was the year 2000. Two thousand. This means that post-Y2K is now considered "then." As I said, frightening.

This made me think, though, about how television -- in moments like this -- is able to really remind us that time flies and that we're getting old. Thanks TV! Exhibit A: On Saved by the Bell, the gang often references Jason Bateman as the dreamy heartthrob. He even gets a few write-ins for student body president. Now, is this the same Jason Bateman who is always and forever Michael Bluth in our hearts? Yes it is. We're old.

Other than pricing games and reruns, this feeling of "time flies" is all over the place now that child actors are running rampant on new hit shows (Jason Bateman also falls into this category. Well done.) Watching Neil Patrick Harris on How I Met Your Mother is a trip, as is seeing Mark Paul Gosselaar do anything but be Zack Morris, and Joshua Jackson star on a serious lawyer show. Not to mention the remakes of 90210 and the like, where Kelly and Brenda are back as themselves, but they're like...adults. Even the girl from Harriet the Spy is a major TV star now!

I guess comebacks -- as old as they make us feel -- are preferable to drugs and rehab. Maybe.

Episode 401

Every year at the holidays, my family members buy each other books, pleasure reading about things they're interested in -- the Best Essays of 2009, books about people building orphanages in far off places, collections of stories about medical mysteries. And every year, the joke is that I don't get any books because I don't like to read. I like to watch TV. This year, my family tried to challenge the tradition and buy me a book about TV. It proved difficult. I have read one book about television that I have enjoyed -- it was more about television writing than television itself -- and the rest have fallen flat. It might just be that books are not the right format to talk about TV -- instead, television talk should just keep its rightful place in blogs and magazines. People who are interested enough in television to read a book about it would probably rather take the time to watch more television than to read the book about it. So that's that.

There are millions of blogs out there like this one, each with their own thoughts on the day's, week's, or year's television. For that reason, it's pretty difficult to have an original idea when talking about TV. Think about it this way. If you were, for example, studying female epistolary writing in late sixteenth- and early-seventeenth century Venice, there probably aren't that many other people waking up in the morning thinking about the subject, and therefore possibly scooping your ideas before they're published. On the other hand, how many people wake up each morning poring over last night's episode of Mad Men? How many people make it their goal to determine the winner of The Biggest Loser before the finale airs? Actually, I can sum up this argument in one word: Lostpedia. Everyone thinks about TV.

So as I start Season 4, I thank my audience for reading my blog that I've linked them to instead of taking the effort to find a better one.

If the attention span of TV viewers isn't long -- or consistent -- enough to follow a blog, they can move to even shorter commentary, like those found in the TV section of People magazine. My subscription to People definitely fills my "find out about the people on my fav TV shows" curiosities, but the "find out about the TV itself" curiosities weren't satisfied by the brief little reviews in their TV sections. So, for a holiday gift this year? You guessed it: Entertainment Weekly. It is reading after all.

And just in case even these brief TV magazine reviews that require no loyalty by the reader weren't enough, there's now TV commentary that even the most TV-addicted, short-attention-spanned non-reader can handle: the TV section of someecards. And since I can almost promise that I will never comment on Jersey Shore in my blog, this would be a good place to go if that's what you're looking for. Speaking of Jersey Shore (I hope never to utter those words again), I will actually end with a quote from a People Magazine review of the show that may get some of the strongest reactions of 2010: "This is too ridiculous to be culturally offensive." Agreed.