Episode 218

So many things about Jeopardy annoy me. For example, all of the contestants. Another example: Alex Trebek. Within the Alex Trebek category, it annoys me how he is the only person who could sound pretentious simply reading category titles, how he pronounces the word genre as if it were a French word that had not been commonly adopted into the English language, and how he tells contestants that they would have know the answer "if only you had been to [fill in wannabe-world-traveler location here] recently."

What really get me the most though -- and this is a tough contest because it all makes me so mad -- are the absolutely ridiculous stories the contestants tell after the first commercial break when they are introducing themselves. It usually goes something like this:

Alex: So, I see here that you one time encountered a sticky situation on vacation...?

Annoying contestant: Yes, I was on vacation with my family and we rented a boat, but after we docked it at a remote island, we realized we didn't know how to turn it back on. So we were stuck for a while.

Alex: Well, you'll never make that mistake again...

Have you ever read anything more horrifically boring in your life? I'm not sure what exactly is going on behind the scenes at Jeopardy but it seems like they give all the contestants a form to fill out that just says: "Please list here the five most uninteresting things that have ever happened to you" and then they choose the least relatable of all the stories. Add in a dose of Alex Trebek trying to deliver some wit and... there you have it.

Episode 217

Last Monday was a bad night for Jason Mesnick, famed wrong-choice Bachelor. Melissa, who took the runner-up spot after Jason changed his mind, earned the title of sexiest woman in America by performing the most incredible and mind-blowing moves on Dancing With the Stars (somehow Shawn the Chipmunk Johnson won the actual title but that's irrelevant). Then, immediately after, Jillian, second runner up, had thirty men fighting over her on the new season of The Bachelorette. And Jason is left watching it all on TV with Molly. By the way, if you type Molly into a google search, Molly Malaney (Jason's choice) comes up first. Before Molly Ringwald. This is weird.

Episode 216

Finishing out finale week last week was the 3-hour Survivor event on Sunday night. For the first time ever Jeff Probst was blindsided, and by Coach*, no less. Coach -- famed for his campfire stories (very much worth the 3 min. 18 sec.) -- took a lie detector test to prove to Jeff that he was not making it all up: everything was true, from the midget natives to his bleeding canoe-paddling hands. WHERE do they find these people?

And don't fear, the legacy continues: Season 19 begins in the fall.

*Yes, he went by Coach (he's a high school soccer coach, so that's totally reasonable...) and yes, when everyone else had their mothers and husbands and girlfriends come to visit as part of a reward challenge, Coach invited the person he was closest to as well: HIS ASSISTANT COACH.  Sorry, did I mention it's high school soccer?  Just checking.

Episode 215

Well, the Ringling Bros. just lost the title of The Greatest Show on Earth because last night American Idol put on the most amazing performance that rocked everyone's world, no matter who you are, or what kind of television you despise.

No big deal, let's just get Cindy Lauper, Lionel Richie, and Rod Stewart to come out and sing with our contestants. You're more into a newer, hipper sound? Fine -- Black Eyed Peas, Jason Mraz and Lady Gaga will perform. And don't forget, we need to have Kiss come, just to be totally shown up by Adam Lambert. And let's just throw some randoms in there: Keith Urban and Carlos Santana. Not satisfied? Okay okay, we'll have the two finalists sing "We Are the Champions" to sappily close the show...oh, and we'll just have Queen join them...totally normal.

And for those of you who are still convinced that there was nothing for you: STEVE MARTIN PLAYING THE FREAKIN' BANJO.

American Idol is truly the most American of all American things and last night's finale proved that beyond belief. Further evidence: nearly 100 million people voted to choose the winner. Just over 120 million people voted in the most recent presidential election. I don't know if that's depressing or amazing, but wow.

Episode 214

Last night was the series premiere of Glee, the best idea ever. I cannot yet dub it the best television show ever (though the potential is there) but it is definitely the best idea ever. Somebody was sitting around, trying to come up with a pilot, and they thought: "Hey, I know! Let's combine the three best things that have ever existed in the entire world: television, musicals, and teenage drama!" The result: absolute perfection.

The absurdity of five high-schoolers brilliantly belting out Journey while the 90210-wannabe teacher looks on with a glimmer in his eye was one of the best moments I've had all week.

Oddly, the next new episode won't come until the fall, but I'm one for delayed gratification (that's what she said) and I think that it will be well worth the wait. If you missed the premiere, you can watch it online over and over and over until the fall. Between this and "Community" (thanks to Swank for that tip-off), as well as the return of all of our old favorites (no cancellations!), I think Fall 2010 will be one of the best seasons ever.

Episode 213

I think it might be futile to post any of my theories about LOST -- as brilliant as they are -- after the mind-blowing season finale. There's a time and place for that kind of thing: and it's called "all the time" and "Lostpedia."

One thing I would like to comment on, however, is how well TV producers/directors/writers (I don't know who's actually in charge) know their audiences. We have been anxiously waiting to find out the fates of Bernard and Rose and nothing, I repeat nothing, was going to satisfy us. They can't be dead, or we'd cry. They can't be alive and still on the island, or we'd cry. They can't be alive and off the island, because Rose would then be dying of cancer and... we'd cry.

Well, they found the loophole (LOST pun intended). They are alive, and they are on the island... but they're HAPPY.  That's all we wanted.  (And yes, I cried.)   If only Sawyer hadn't ruined the whole moment by looking at Kate instead of Juliet. WTF, Sawyer? Is Juliet just your Karen Filipelli? So uncool. I know Kate looks super hot when she's all sweaty, but you need to grow a pair.

P.S. I know I'm a day behind on finale week, but I am so traumatized by the fact that Jim and Pam are having premarital sex that I'm not quite ready to blog about it.

Episode 212

Vindicated! Not only has the word Middlebury emanated from the brilliant Alec Baldwin's mouth, but it was done so with true Middlebury pride (minute 13:25). Of course there is someone writing for 30 Rock who is a Midd alum (since this is the second time it's happened), but that is completely irrelevant because guess what world, MIDDLEBURY IS AWESOME. I might be a little more bitter about this than the next guy, considering I currently attend Middlebury's west-coast peer, but if anyone ever again asks me if Vermont is near New York, I will know in my heart of hearts that at least in TV Land, we are appreciated.

And although I hate linking academic things to television, I am too excited about this not to post it: a book being published on 30 Rock and philosophy.  Maybe the academic world does have some spunk after all.  As I said in my first post, television can teach us more than anything else.  I encourage you all to submit to the CFP -- and it's a real thing, I swear -- I'm just sorry I missed this one.

Episode 211

This is even too much for me.

The official sign of the apocalypse.

Episode 210

Comcast just upgraded their system with some sort of "migration" -- all very complicated, but after having connected my new spiffy equipment all by myself (I'm thinking of quitting school and becoming an electrician) we now have the new on-screen guide. What does this mean? No more channel surfing! The awesomeness of not having to channel surf is twofold: 1) my brain doesn't explode from hearing .8 second sound bites all at different volumes and in different languages and 2) I realize sooner that nothing is on, so I can just pick the "Oh, I've been meaning to watch that" show right off the bat.

Last night, that show was My Boys. I had actually been pretty intrigued from the previews, but had never gotten around to watching it. Last night was the night, and it was quite weird. It reminded me a bit of that new show Roommates on ABC Family, because they both unsuccessfully aspire to be the new Friends.  But Roommates is somewhat funny, in a you-laugh-because-you-feel-like-you-should kind of way.  My Boys, however, just falls completely flat. See for yourself.

What's the problem? No laugh track. In an age where non-laugh-track shows are the highest rated, a lot of new shows have decided to follow suit. The problem is, when there's no laugh track, the show has to be funny. If your show isn't funny, put a laugh track in, and people will be forced to laugh, or at least imagine that they're laughing (read: Roommates). If your show is not funny and there's no laugh track, it's just painful. It's like sitting in a room of people and someone makes a bad joke and instead of laughing out of discomfort, everyone just sits there in silence, making it even more uncomfortable.

Episode 209

All of the original 90210 characters are making their way back to the new version, and I find myself having to Wikipedia the plot-lines so I have any clue what's going on. So, I have decided that this summer, I will make it my priority to watch the original series (10 seasons). The original was actually one of the few shows I wasn't allowed to watch as a kid (good call, Mom). Now that I have (too much) control over what I watch, it must be done. However, watching one trashy teen soap inevitably means watching many. So, I have compiled a list of the top three other trashy teen soaps that I need to watch -- in their entirety -- this summer: 1) My So-Called Life, 2) Party of Five, 3) Gossip Girl. If anyone disagrees about those choices, speak now or forever hold your peace.

P.S. For those of you who aren't caught up yet on the new series, don't fear, one of the characters has suddenly been diagnosed with bipolar disorder after one episode's worth of manic episodes (no pun intended?) So, in case you thought Dawson's Creek and Friday Night Lights had a monopoly on suddenly-bipolar characters, think again.