Episode 705

January was a long month without cable.  But it turns out it was a blessing in disguise: if I'd had cable, I may have never met Henry Grubstick. In any case, my month-long roommate and I watched 85 episodes of Ugly Betty (i.e. the entire series) in 16 days.  (I'll let you do the math.) That's all to say that I think I can be considered at least a temporary authority on Ugly Betty.  And because of the number of times daily that I say "That's what she said" with no shame, I'd say I can claim authority on The Office, too.  With that, I'd like to take this opportunity to do a Wilhelmina Slater / Michael Scott comparison.

First, for those of you unfamiliar with these two beloved bosses, let's just do a quick run-down:

Michael Scott:

Food preferences: Awesome Blossom; milk and sugar
Minion: Dwight Schrute, suburban Pennsylvania beet farmer
Wardrobe preferences: Burlington Coat Factory; Casual Friday jeans
Biggest fear: Nothing. (Also, we would have accepted snakes.)

Wilhelmina Slater:

Food preferences: Caviar and champagne
Minion: Mark St. James, trendy Manhattan fashionista
Wardrobe: She can turn a prison jumpsuit into fashion
Biggest fear: Failure

You get my point – these two could not be more different.  But it all comes down to this: Michael Scott's life goal is to be loved. He hates disappointing people and would do anything to be liked.

And the amazing Wilhelmina Slater takes that all down with one line: "I'd rather be hated than inconvenienced." 

So, are you a Michael or a Wilhelmina?  Or both?

Episode 704

Last week, I woke up to the following e-mail from my roommate (who is currently three thousand miles away, and so, not my roommate).

"1) Paul Rudd on Parks and Rec!!!!

2) Up all night best first 30 seconds ever.  Haven't seen the rest because I was so inspired to write."

Now this is the kind of e-mail I want to wake up to in the morning.  While it does indicate that I have not been watching real-time TV, it also indicates that the people who matter most know what matters most. 

And while we're at it, I'd like to take this opportunity to tell anyone I know who used to work for Parks and Recreation that the silent treatment begins now and communication resumes whenever you get me my date with Paul.

Episode 703

You heard it here first. 

Now you're going to hear it again here.  Someone else - who happens to be just a hair more hilarious than I am - hates the Jeopardy story-telling ritual as much as I do.

Thank you, world.  (And thank you to my favorite sister for pointing this out.)

Episode 702

My will power lasted for one post, but I can't hold it in any longer.  I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  That means it's official: middle-aged men are not the only ones who love Buffy.  I can't quite put my finger on what is so attractive about the show, but it's like a drug.  It has the quippy dialogue of Dawson's Creek, the teen angst of, um, Dawson's Creek, and the cast of, well, Dawson's Creek (as far as guest stars go, at least).  But Buffy came first.

Yes, Buffy can do more tricks than Kerri Strug.  Yes, vampires always wait just one second too long to bite their prey and then end up getting killed by the Slayer.  Yes, Giles and Buffy have a really inappropriate relationship that has probably turned many a school librarian into pedophiles.  But the excitement!  The gore!  The bad 90s effects!

That brings me to my final point.  My old friend, Swank, suggested that I go as Buffy for Halloween.  I thought about it and I was stumped: there's no way to go as Buffy.  I could go as Joey Potter in a second: long and lean jeans with a tank top that's just a hair too short.  Done.  But Buffy? Black pleather pants and an orange spaghetti strap tank top?  A schoolgirl skirt with knee-high boots and a sweater?  An off-the-shoulders Ann Taylor style shirt with a bright red choker?  Too many options!  Basically, in order to dress up as Buffy, you just need to wear clothes, be super hot, and be a total freakin' bad ass.

Episode 701

I'm pulling an Archer and having a quick off-season run.  Since I seem to have blogitment phobia (yes, I realize how much that didn't work), I might just start employing a post-as-I-please attitude, and see how it goes.  By now, the fall line-up has had time to show its true colors - I have a lot to say about it, but I'll start small.

New Girl.  This show is causing me some major emotional turmoil, which is odd, since it's probably the least emotionally complex show on TV (though I haven't seen Ringer yet, so I'd expect to be proven wrong there).  The issue is this: Zooey Deschanel's character (and Zooey Deschanel, for that matter) is freakin' adorable.  She's sweet, she's funny, she's charming, she's hilarious, and she's beautiful.  But if she existed in real life, she would be, by far, my least favorite person on the planet.  This is my impression of real-life Jess (much better live, but you take what you can get): "What?  I'm being quirky? I didn't even realize!  This is just how I am!"  NO IT'S NOT.  You're putting on a show.  Ahem, anyway: she'd basically be the worst combination of a hipster, a flake, a poser (do people actually say poser anymore?), and a hippie.

But I love her.  And therein lies the rub.

Interlude

Just to make sure everyone's still watching TV when the brilliant 2011 season opens:

1) Truer words have never been spoken.

2) My TV fairy godfather (and Godfather) has changed my life with a tiny little miracle called the Roku.  In doing so, he's changed your lives, too, because I now have so much more material (which will start up again at a date TBD).

3) A list of the top 10 shows I am watching this fall, and you should, too (for those of you new to these posts, this will also help familiarize you with my tastes, and get you running straight in the other direction):

New:
Suburgatory
Person of Interest
Free Agents
Up All Night
2 Broke Girls

Returning*:
The Office
Parks and Recreation
Modern Family
Parenthood
90210

*Please join me in honoring the art of television and don't watch Glee.

P.S. Don't forget about the Emmy Awards on Sunday.  GO PANTHERS.

Episode 622

One final installment before I go on official hiatus (as opposed to the unofficial hiatus of the last month).  This time, I have a good excuse: HBO GO.  So many shows at my fingertips, there won't be much time for anything else.  Except Bachelor Pad.  It turns out the premiere was three hours long, and it turns out I watched the whole thing.  If it redeems me at all, I did delete Jersey Shore from my DVR approximately three minutes into the first episode (I had to record it since it was in Florence, but it wasn't even close to worth it).  In any case, all of my summer reality TV will be made up for by the high class shows that HBO has to offer.

OH WAIT.

Granted, I maybe didn't start at the top of the critically-acclaimed list, but what on earth is so great about True Blood?  I only made it halfway through the third episode of the first season before I decided to call it quits.  My main issue with it is this: Anna Paquin.  And the rest of the show.  And I think that's all.

So, until next time, I leave you with my top pick for the new fall line-up: Suburgatory.  No particular reason, I just have a feeling it's going to be a game-changer.