Episode 703

You heard it here first. 

Now you're going to hear it again here.  Someone else - who happens to be just a hair more hilarious than I am - hates the Jeopardy story-telling ritual as much as I do.

Thank you, world.  (And thank you to my favorite sister for pointing this out.)

Episode 702

My will power lasted for one post, but I can't hold it in any longer.  I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  That means it's official: middle-aged men are not the only ones who love Buffy.  I can't quite put my finger on what is so attractive about the show, but it's like a drug.  It has the quippy dialogue of Dawson's Creek, the teen angst of, um, Dawson's Creek, and the cast of, well, Dawson's Creek (as far as guest stars go, at least).  But Buffy came first.

Yes, Buffy can do more tricks than Kerri Strug.  Yes, vampires always wait just one second too long to bite their prey and then end up getting killed by the Slayer.  Yes, Giles and Buffy have a really inappropriate relationship that has probably turned many a school librarian into pedophiles.  But the excitement!  The gore!  The bad 90s effects!

That brings me to my final point.  My old friend, Swank, suggested that I go as Buffy for Halloween.  I thought about it and I was stumped: there's no way to go as Buffy.  I could go as Joey Potter in a second: long and lean jeans with a tank top that's just a hair too short.  Done.  But Buffy? Black pleather pants and an orange spaghetti strap tank top?  A schoolgirl skirt with knee-high boots and a sweater?  An off-the-shoulders Ann Taylor style shirt with a bright red choker?  Too many options!  Basically, in order to dress up as Buffy, you just need to wear clothes, be super hot, and be a total freakin' bad ass.

Episode 701

I'm pulling an Archer and having a quick off-season run.  Since I seem to have blogitment phobia (yes, I realize how much that didn't work), I might just start employing a post-as-I-please attitude, and see how it goes.  By now, the fall line-up has had time to show its true colors - I have a lot to say about it, but I'll start small.

New Girl.  This show is causing me some major emotional turmoil, which is odd, since it's probably the least emotionally complex show on TV (though I haven't seen Ringer yet, so I'd expect to be proven wrong there).  The issue is this: Zooey Deschanel's character (and Zooey Deschanel, for that matter) is freakin' adorable.  She's sweet, she's funny, she's charming, she's hilarious, and she's beautiful.  But if she existed in real life, she would be, by far, my least favorite person on the planet.  This is my impression of real-life Jess (much better live, but you take what you can get): "What?  I'm being quirky? I didn't even realize!  This is just how I am!"  NO IT'S NOT.  You're putting on a show.  Ahem, anyway: she'd basically be the worst combination of a hipster, a flake, a poser (do people actually say poser anymore?), and a hippie.

But I love her.  And therein lies the rub.