Episode 123

In an era of Reality TV (not complaining), it's really refreshing to watch character-based shows. I'm sure there's a more technical term for this (Charlie, help me out here), but I'm talking about shows that, in order to keep viewers interested, don't rely on plot points but on the characters. This can often be a simple distinction between dramas (plot-based) and comedies (character-based). But there are certain shows whose characters are so brilliant that it doesn't matter what they do, as long as it's in character.

As if you couldn't already guess, I'm thinking of Michael Scott. The cold open of last week's episode was one of the most hysterical moments we've seen in recent The Office history. Why? Because it was just Michael being Michael. Absolutely nothing happened, yet it was tear-jerkingly funny.

Think about Seinfeld, the show about nothing. One of the most brilliant TV shows ever written, and it is based 100% off of character. Anyway, these are often the best shows: with the tiny attention spans we all have, it's sometimes nice not have to wonder "Wait, what happened last week?" when sitting down for our favorite shows. We just put our feet up and Michael Scott takes care of the rest.

P.S. I have some pretty hard core visitors coming into town for the next week, so I can't promise daily posts. While television may be severely more important than schoolwork, it has not yet surpassed friends. Although, friends and television are just about the best combination ever.  Yeah, my visitors will be having a super-exciting week.

Episode 122

Tonight on America's Next Top Model, Tyra chided one of the girls by saying, "It's as if you've never heard the phrase 'smile with your eyes'." Now I realize that these girls are more likely to have heard a Tyra-ism than your average Joe, but even your average Joe (or at least Joan) probably knows that phrase. The fact that we all know exactly what that means -- don't deny it -- is ridiculous.

Television popularizes some of the most absurd phrases, and they're usually just euphemisms for "you lose": "Please pack your knives and go," "The tribe has spoken," "You've been chopped," "You're fired! (Yoo fiyahed!)" and the ever-brilliant "Next!" just to provide a few examples.

I think the next time I beat someone in Scrabble (which will likely be within the next 24 hours), I'm just going to say "It's a bit pitchy, dawg." That should go over well.

Episode 121

Cameos just aren't what they used to be. When an awesome celebrity finds his or her way on to one of your favorite shows, it seems really exciting. For a second, you're tricked into being super star struck. Whoa, that's Jack Black on 30 Rock! And then you stop and think, wait a second, that's also Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, and Tracy Morgan on 30 Rock. Hmmm, suddenly Jack Black doesn't seem all that exciting.

The impact used to be much stronger. Naturally, we'll start with an example from Saved by the Bell: The College Years. There's an episode when Brian Austin Green makes a cameo (as himself) at the gang's Thanksgiving dinner. I'm sorry, but how did Saved by the Bell: The College Years get one of the most popular heartthrobs of the time to come on to one of the eighteen total episodes it ever had? I guess it didn't help the ratings all that much in the end. On one episode of Full House, Frankie Valli (no Four Seasons) makes a cameo and serenades DJ on behalf of Nelson who wants to win her back. FRANKIE VALLI?! That's awesome. I'm sorry, but cameos need to get back to their roots.

I guess shows are too good now, so the cameos can't really add much excitement. For a concluding example, check out the horrendous acting of Julie from Friday Night Lights in her appearance on 90210. I guess talent in one teen soap doesn't mean talent in anything else (Katie Holmes, anyone?)

Episode 120

Family Feud is a pretty hysterical show. And no, I don't get discouraged by the inevitable commercials telling me I should make the phone call to Everest College so I can do something with my life. Yes, I know I'm watching television at 1:00pm, but that doesn't mean I don't have a Masters degree.

So, back to Family Feud. First of all, what is John O'Hurley doing hosting this show? He is funny and charming and seemingly intelligent, yet he's hosting the most absurd and brainless game show on television (I don't even need to say "except Deal or No Deal", it's just implied).

Anyway, my favorite part -- and I assume everyone's favorite part -- of Family Feud is after the round is over, when the audience has to shout out in unison all of the answers that remain on the board. So if the question was "Name a phrase with the word 'face' in it," the remaining answers will be shown, and the whole audience will shout "FACE OFF!" in a really drawn out, what-the-hell-are-we-doing-in-the-audience-of-this-stupid-show kind of voice.

But this becomes even more comical in two situations: First, when there's a slash in the answer. So like, if the question was "Name a room in your house where you might watch television" and the answer that flips over says "Living room/ Den", the audience does a really awkward, semi-unison "Liiiiiiving Rooooooom [how long should we pause to indicate this slash?!] Dennnnnnnnn."

The other, and even more hysterical situation is when the answer is abbreviated, and the audience has no clue what it stands for. Today, the question was "Name a man known for his dancing". Shockingly, no one guessed Baryshnikov (don't worry, I just googled it to get the spelling right). But when it came up for the audience to read, it said "M. Baryshnikov." Not only did half the audience not have a clue who that was, but those who did had no idea what the M. stood for, so it resulted in an awkward jumble that sounded something like "mmmklemm brashknvvvooooo".

Of course, John O'Hurley saved the day with his perfect Russian pronunciation and knowledge of the answer. I would have liked to see Alex Trebek do that without a cue card.

Episode 119

Today's entry will be brief, because I am in terrible TV mourning. Here's why:

I found out today that one of my students had never even heard of Dawson's Creek.

What is this world coming to?

Episode 118

I just finished writing a paper entitled "The Presence of Ghismonda and Guiscardo in Curial e Guelfa," which is an analysis of how one of Giovanni Boccaccio's novelle in the Decameron had a direct influence on the composition of the 15th-century Catalan novel. In this entry, I attempt to do a similar analysis. It will be called: "The Presence of Dawson, Pacey, Joey and the gang in Friday Night Lights."

I intend no disrespect to Friday Night Lights (FNL from here on out), and I think it has actually improved upon some of Dawson Creek's (DC's) more ridiculous plot lines, but these are just the facts. FNL has diluted the plot lines: that is, there are many more characters in FNL, so where the same characters participate in all the DC adventures, FNL spreads the love. If you're a fan of FNL and want to keep your dignity, you may want to stop reading right now. I know DC did not invent these themes or stories, but some of these are blatant steals. In no particular order -- and some more banal than others -- here you are:

1. Pacey (DC) and Landry (FNL) both have dads who are cops. Both dads get involved with the illegal drama in which their sons are implicated.
2. Two male best friends, Dawson and Pacey in DC and Jason and Tim in FNL are both in love with the same girl (Joey and Lyla, respectively). One of the guys is the girl's "soul mate" and the other is his more bad-ass friend.
3. Landry actually quotes Pacey, saying something to the effect of "I'm tired of being the sidekick, I'm going to get my own storyline" before becoming one of the shows' more prominent characters.
4. Both of the cute, promiscuous blondes (Jen in DC, Tyra in FNL) lose out to the brunette (Joey and Lyla) in a fight for love triangle attention.
5. The central family (the Leerys in DC, the Taylors in FNL) has a baby when their other only child (Dawson and Julie, respectively) is a grown teenager.
6. The Dad of the central family is the football coach of the the high school team.
7. One of the football players gets injured (Jack in DC and Jason in FNL, but not as drastically in DC) ruining his chance at a career and turning him in to a disillusioned wreck (at one point, both jump in to a body of water in an awkward I'm-so-helpless-what-should-I-do move)
8. Jen (DC) and Matt (FNL) both live alone with their grandma, who becomes a lovable sidekick to the gang.
9. Only the main family's parents end up together.
10. The unmotivated kid who's failing out of school (Pacey and Tim) becomes mentor to a spunky little kid (Buzz and Bo).
11. The badass sidekick from #2 sleeps with a woman twice his age in both shows. I will combine this with the fact that the usually obedient female lead in both (Joey and Julie) hook up with one of their male professors.
12 Andy tutors Pacey like Landry tutors Tyra and they both fall in love.
13. The tough guy character (Smash in FNL and Pacey in DC) has a bipolar girlfriend who he finds crying on her kitchen floor.
14. Tim Riggins lives with his older brother like Joey Potter lives with her older sister -- both older siblings are sometimes supportive and responsible and sometimes not even able to take care of themselves.
15. The innocent female character (Joey and Julie) dates an older guy only to realize that their lives are too different and return to her cute high school boyfriend.

16. Lyla and random guy (FNL) meet doing a teen-line radio show: this would be a combination of Jen meeting CJ at the teen-line and Jen meeting Charlie at the radio station (DC).

I'll stop there, but before I go for the day, I'd like to add that I'm only at the end of Season 2 of FNL right now. Based on the above analysis, I predict that many, many more similarities will arise in Season 3. I'm just waiting until one of the football players comes out of the closet.

Episode 117

I know this doesn't have a lot of mass appeal, but I absolutely cannot resist writing an entry about the ABSOLUTE ABSURDITY that has gone down on The Bachelor the past two days. Last night, in After the Final Rose: Part 2, Jason shamed me (personally) into not making judgments about him or his life. So I won't -- he's right, it's petty.  I'll just give you the facts (stop me if anything I say isn't verifiable fact):

For the first time in Bachelor history, the bachelor, Jason Mesnick, picked the girl America loved (Melissa), only to dump her in front of millions of viewers about 8 minutes later -- it was 6 weeks real time, but it sure felt like 8 minutes to me.

It gets better (read: worse). He then confesses that he's still in the love with the girl he didn't pick and when he tells second-place girl, they MAKE OUT! He literally just broke up with his FIANCEE and he's making out with another woman. No matter how much self-proclaimed integrity he has (and yes, I know he's a real person with real feelings and a real life), that's just cruel to Melissa.

Just to recap: Jason: chose this instead of this.

Anyway, I'm sure they're all wonderful people and I hope no one's life is ruined over this, but the least Jason can do to redeem himself is be humiliated on national television. So thank you, Jimmy Kimmel.

Episode 116

Italian television is hysterical. Probably because it's mostly just American TV dubbed over into Italian. I remember watching the first two episodes of the OC (something about a house burning down?) in Italy -- you might think it couldn't possibly be any more dramatic than it already is, but wow, Italian dubbers know their stuff.

I remember watching MTV Italia, too, which was often subtitled instead of dubbed. I'm not sure who they have translating for them, but they certainly take some creative liberties. In one scene on Next, the guy came up to the girl and said "Damn, you smell gooooood!" and the subtitles read: "Ciao, come stai?" [Hi, how are you?] I guess it's the right idea, but not exactly what they were going for... Similarly hysterical was when a girl said "My favorite singer is John Mayer" and the translation read "Il mio cantante preferito e` Elton John." You don't have to know Italian see that that one's not quite right.

And I'm sorry, but I can't not include this: so awesome.

Episode 115

The finale of The Bachelor is on tonight, which means Americans will have to finally bid a sad farewell to Jason, after two seasons of gawking and oohing and aahing. But don't worry America, you will forget about him completely in about 6 months when the next season begins. I have loyally watched every season of The Bachelor, and while I can still remember some of the more recent characters -- and some of the more absurd goings on -- the tears I've spilled over bachelors and bachelorettes past seems a little ridiculous now.

This is the case for any Reality TV show. I mean, I couldn't even tell you the name of the past three winners of Survivor (Bob, Todd, and... yeah I'm out) despite the fact that I would violently shush anyone making a peep during one of the episodes. The same goes for Project Runway, America's Next Top Model, Top Chef...and the list goes on. And it's even worse for crappy reality TV shows. Beauty and the Geek? I've seen most of the seasons, but I couldn't tell you the name of even one of the characters. Or what about those older shows: For Love or Money, Paradise Hotel... not even one recollection.

It's okay that we don't remember these, because it leaves room in our brains for instant recall of episodes of The Office, Arrested Development, Dawson's Creek, and Saved by the Bell. Oh yeah, and of all that stuff I read for my classes. There's that, too.